folk.. a new place

so i went to this folk festival which was absolutley amzing.
i found myself in a word i wish to be in.
although i wish to be in it i can see myself getting lost as well
its aworld full of imganiation and expression a world escaping form the reality that bites our asses every day
who wouldnt want to be there
but who gets out and in wat condition
its likea group of people all with the peter pan syndrome
its a palce to visit wen needing to get away
and this si wat i intend to do
i need to get away from all that bothers me of my past which i will soon be able to bid adue to

now thats a RANT

goodbyes or hellos

i would be easy t let you go
it would be easy if you werent you
you may be right
it may not be worth feeling like i know you
you may acually be a million differnt things in one
but what you dont know is that you are a million differnt things to me
which is why i cant let you go
i can let anyone person fo real easy
but letting you go would be saying good bye
to the brother i never knew exsisted
to the crush i would have never let myself get close to
to the guy who proved me wrong abot all other guys
to the best friend who im going to take with me on my grandest adventures
to the poet that strings together all my thoughts
to the writer that i see at all the cafes
to the freaksih profit who keeps me on my toes
to the icon of my high school career
to the boy who changed my life without even knowing it

A trip to remember

FEB 17TH~


The plane landed and my heart pounded
I knew I was walking into my past head first
but this decision was made already, there was no turning back
all I had to do now was follow he baggage claim arrows
and look for a familiar face
a face of my past the most popular face of my past.
the first boy to tell me everything is going to be ok
its crazy getting that jolt of energy with the thought that we
acually knew eachother all of our lives.
we walk through the airport, I'm close to deaf and worrying about my hair
hat on or off. Should I be on the phone to avoid
the awkward first hello and seem super LA
because you see I was LA. I've lived there now for 5 years which
someone on the back of my mind reminded me the night before.
his first words were about my choice with the hat. He loved it.
I couldn't stop smiling as I walked with my this person who I barely knew but knew everything about.
my favorite person of my past of not so favorite memories.
my grin went from ear to ear as we fell right back into that comfort zone,
this weekend we didn't need to talk about everything we talked
about just enough. We talked about what ever was on our minds at that time. The memories came streaming in. It was like we were growing up together all over again for what should have Ben 6 year but really just 3 days.
I could write about his weekend detail for detail.
but instead just as I decided not to take pictures I have also decided not to relive every second but to just live it.
let it take its course
it may end up taking itself to my next chapter but that to be decided. For now it was a weekend I needed. A weekend to remind myself of who I am.
I like to think the past will do that.

le petite lisa

The other night, before valentines, was nice.
I got hang out with a new group. A very establish group with lots of their own memories and I know that when they get together in 5 years I will be one of those they talk in passing bc I wasn't around so much. But still it was officially a group of friends from school. I've never had that in a all the years in high school. But I really feel comfortable with these. Anyhow, it was really nice and gave me a nice feeling of I'm not alone.
I'm also officially .. le petite Lisa.. . Could be cute but after a while it is annoying.

the next day I had a valentine
who I unfortunately wasn't able to see but was able to make sick over the phone
but instead of doing a romantic dinner or what not with I went to a taping of REBA
and it felt completely normal
look I'm in la and I'm going to a taping of reba and then talking to the cast and the casts children after.. Planning on chilling with the reba's son bc we're worried he may not have the most grand life.

after which I get the most exciting news
two of my favorite people ever are getting married. Not only are they great but if never met such happy people. people who will forever put a smile on my face.
their engagement put me in a mood I cant even describe. Nothing could go wrong.

anyhow now I'm off to jersey .. I'm off to go home go back to where I came from. And I'm scared scared of what they will seem like. Seeing in true contrast how much I've changed
and I have I know I have...
it scary I cant decide wiether its a good thing or not.

we shall see.. I'm there till Monday..
I'll write then

Stranger

I was stranger to myself tonight...
popped into o a high school party.. A Beverly party I don't go to Beverly parties which was quite evident
everyone who saw me was great about naming the class and year they had with me.
it was funny
but I went to see what I had been missing
apparently not much
but hey just another experience I cant jot down
I've done it I can no longer say I have never been to a beverly party.
yah
plus major blasts form the past coming together as one
hmmm'

what a weekend
my past are warping and becoming new things
my feelings are getting thrown against walls
my plans are being swept away
and I cant do a thing about it
they say all the right things
do all the right things
nothing to protest about
all I have now is myself
and all I can do now is hope I treat every incident correctly
all I can do it hope I don't screw it up again
and fall back into my own patterns.
the patterns that are becoming s o obvious
the patterns I also know are their but let them take their course
I cant do that I have to fight my pattern and make new choices that may not be the easiest
but probably more correct.
correct.
id like to think life is math
but its not, its all gray

sofar san fran for me

i dont know if i believe in god eniterly but i do believe there someone out there looking out.
today i had an amazing day. for no reason relaly jsut woke up happpy and the happiness grew more and more as the day went on. i even hada good day in my history class full of morons who usually only give me a headache but today i did teh work and got lots of laughes out of it. my friend and i went t o target and hada blast taking picture even tho my camera broke in the process .
i'd like to believe it was all to prepe me for when i got home. i got home got the mail and found out that i will NOT be moving to philli. i was rejected from UARTS. althought it was the school i least wanted to go to. its sill rejection and it def put a damper on my day. so thats the latest even tho i havent been writing for awhile that is pretty much the latest.
sry for all the typos but concidering the news i dont feeel like fixing them i just needed to write.

i doodle while havea great conversation with the mom
and im not being sarcastic it really was amazing.
i was finally able to tell her in a light hearted but meaningful way that she remind me of a mother from the 40's. and in addtion realised that becuase my granmother also was very old world for her time.

The most hurtful warm n fuzzy ever

The warm and fuzzies wont go away
they are stuck in my system , so to say
but they are just memories right now. I don't get them when I look at you anymore. I almost feel myself
forcing a feeling of sadness
forcing a feeling of regret

those warm and fuzzies were comfortable
now they are just a reminder

those warm and fuzzies were comfortable
now they just guide

guide me to the next step.
I should look back but I do
I'm always looking back at the past
reliving every moment
trying to correct what was already done

those warm and fuzzies used to make me feel safe now they just create wonder
I wonder if they are true
or just a figment of my imagination
my fairy tale life I only dreamt up when you told me your dream

the unpainted canvas

Nothing is going right...
but nothing is going wrong either
I'm on a white canvas as I sit and wait for the college to predict my future
I'm on a blank piece of paper waiting for the next inspiration

I walk down the halls full of people being blurred by every turn of my head
nothings real
nothing matters
it over and I have nothing to do
and no where to go

I have no ambition to look or excitement
I used to do that ... If there was nothing going on in my life I would look for someone else excitement and get somewhat wrapped up in it only for my own selfish entertainment
but that's not entertaining anymore

but if u asked what is entertaining to me now
I wouldn't know how to answer

I'm the undecided final shade to a masterpiece

this isn't all meant to be understood

sick of people in the box

have you ever encountered those kinds of people who happen to fall into a lot of friends but once thier there your not sure if hey know how to handle themselve.
they either try to hard or they dont try at all
my favorite is when people try to hard to seem like they dont care
people seem to call it "acting cool"