the truth behind sleeping beauty

she was sent up to her room
she wasnt sure if it were her thoughts or if it was the stress of her already exsistent life which sent her
but none the less she felt it may be the only safe place
after a time people who barely knew her called her sleeping
beauty
the rain would come down, each drop felt like her own
tear
she felt her mind connect with the sky it took her to the land of
numb
a land where no feelings took place
all that exsisted were memories of feelings that
once were
on a good day she would speak out to the wall that saved her
from the pain she knew so well
she would speak out the feelings that once were
the feeling she used to only hear about and now
wishes never was

she would speak as if prince charming had just apeared
to sweep her away
in her speech she would begin to push him away
but he would pull her closer
eventually she would give in
how else would we get to the happily ever after; riding into the sunset ending

once apon a time, sleeping beauty was awaken
hiding in her self Inflicted work, her newest method of hiding
getting lost among herself
there was a ringing sound,
an intrution
a distraction from her distraction

she started to feel again,could it be true
could he be there
he began to speak
it sounded oddly, and uncomfortably
familiar
word for word he words she had only told the walls that surrounded them.
yet he spoke so eloquently

sleeping beauty listened Patiently of the recsue that had been
she listened to his fairytale story
there were times when she listened and felt
like she was speaking
but she looked in the mirror and realised her lips
werent moving
but her mind was racing to a point where her eyes would barely looked out
where was she, what was she doing, how did she get here, who allowed her to end up here
she had rules


it stopped, the silence was horrifying, through the silence she could hear her fear

my walls

you should go
you should leave my walls
leave my mind
there are words that are being said
`````````````that are comming out of your mouth
`i know ive said that
```````ive said them to my walls
``````````now your in my walls repeating
```````````````````````````repeating my secret thoughts
how did you know


this fairy tale that lives in my walls doesnt end well
sleeping beauty's dream stays in the wall
prince charming comes to tell her of his already rescue

i feel for you

do you feel alone
do you feel like you wasted your time
do you want to take it back now
thats nice
i cant feel sorry becuase ive been there already
and now im empty
im hollow where there once
was an abundance of emotion
they were stolen from me
now i lay cold ina fire
i feel for you
but i'm working off of memories
of feeling for you
i have nothing to give you but me
do you feel alone
do you feel like you wasted your time
do you want to take it back now
thats nice

it has come

the big envelope
im moving to boston
next year that is but the time can not come slower or else i might burts
so many things i will miss
hada major break down but that will happen many times till rob like my sophmore year in FUCKING SMFA
ahh im dying
so excited
who would have thought i defently havent
not many profound or deeep thoughts in this blog jsut getting ym excitement out bc i need to release them before sleep .. i dont know if i will be able to sleep tonight
but i shall try if not i will be back

the substitute

i got the idea from a movie
the idea of feeling like your only there for a moment
a moment where theres no one
else
your a shrug
the shrug of thoughts
the shrug that sort of lies
on your shoulder
pretty useless
its only a substitute for your sweater
and as soon as you sigh
it will fall off
fall off once you sigh
in thought of who you really want
by you side
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~you have theses pictures in your mind
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~how is it that im not in them
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~is it becuase im in so much of your reality

##########################################################################################
now that ive entered deep
into your reality
i can no longer be in your dreams

ashes and snow

an elephant with his trunk raised is a ladder to the stars
a breaching whale is a ladder to the bottom of the sea
my photographs area ladder to my dreams
theses letter are ladders to you

How's life he asks

How's life...
I've taken such a leap recently.. I've made a conscience effort to hang out with people I barely know and wisp by the last few months of my high school career. Completely ignoring those who have gotten me through the last 3 years. But this year their diff. But because they are different together they call us strange and judgmental. Judgmental may be true.. I scaring me to watch them become who they are becoming at such a late stage. If they were going to wait this long they should have waited till college bc that way u could just blame it on college and the crazy life style and.. I don't know.. I just don't want to watch them go down this road. This a complete vent blog. A blog where many of the though may not connect for most but other may get insulted by this blog for its about them and only them the ones who I have been with all through the times in my California chapter of my life. But now I'm no longer with them I'm just watching them and listening to their stories. I miss the innocent times we used to have together that no longer exist and I should really stop brining up because they are never commons back and anytime that comes to mind I find my stomach do that aching thing it does before crying but I wont let the tears come streaming down my face anymore its not worth the tears the tears are useless now the tears just feel like they are a mascot for my cowardness. That a word form my past. A boy once called himself a coward to me an innocent boy who has taken a sharp turn a turn he scolded me once for thinking of . A turn creating a boy who scares me an unreasonable boy.
how's life...
I don't know I'm letting it go because if a really lived what ever is going on in my head I don't think I would sleep at night the thoughts would just run over all of my body not letting the present seep through. I had plans dreams and wishes for my senior year which got crushed within seconds crushed by my own stupid mistakes