abandoned and restless

what to do what to do..... i know we should crash in a freezing abandonded house.....
i kid i kid.. kinda
no we really did it was quite cool just a close bunch lounging around in a house... sleep was limited but what good night includes sleep

senior year; a crazy year.....





to begin the night though wasa very interesting conversation. a conversation in which i have had before this night. only comming from from someone who has known through my most growing times. she tells me i need to do something for myself she tells me to stop looks so hard and be happy becuase im not.
it hits hard and fast. i cant even fight it its true. i dont entirely understand it.. i dont know where its comming from. im constantly saying i want to leave, go to college. but what if its the same there. what if im jsut not a happy person. there was a time thought. more then just a time.
its scary to feel yourself fall apart and not know how to put things back together. i would know becuase ive been here before and i remember it getting better... and i think all i did was wait it out but since the n ive been trying to become more proactive with my life making it difficult to "wait this out"



you gotta love hollywood giving us many one liners. one which was very useful last night was "you shouldnt be looking for mr. right look for mr. right now" a motto i should follow...
im so used to lookinga failed realtionships i never let myself get inot a relationship without the simple thought of it going somewhere. mr. right is the one thing im scared of. i ahvea plan for my life but its scares me how easily i see myself alone forever. i'll date.... but i will always find something wrong.

hes the wrong guy saying all the right things.
hge doesnt even say them to me anymore i just hear about him saying it.
but im damaged goods.. i cant jsut give it another go so easily.. not to mention the family complications

so theres a rant for a day